Fergie spent the first day of his five match touch-line ban basking in the North West’s biggest suntrap, Old Trafford. It was business as usual, except this time he had to give his hairdryer treatment through the big white phone in the stands. It really looked like something from Wall Street or American Psycho.

The match was all about great returns. Rio made his long-awaited comeback from injury and didn’t disappoint and we also saw the return of Rooney’s form. He caught an early volley with real precision but his potential goal of the season was denied by Jaaskelanein, who has made over 500 appearances for Bolton now.

The match wasn’t without controversy as young Jonny Evans was sent off for an early bath and as the match progressed I could envisage a goal-less draw. The even younger Chiquerito was surprisingly quiet.

Following dramatic penalty shouts, there was a change around the 70th minute as balding Berbs bowled back into the fray to show ‘em how it’s done with his 20th (yup, 20th!) goal of the season. Not bad for a bench-warmer eh?

We even got to see Carrick coming back to his best (a solid 6.5/10 performance) and he’s started to connect those long passes again.
It’s frightening to think how many points ahead we’d be if the team had played as well as they are now. We’re drowning out the noisy neighbours and Arsenal are bottling it again. For the first time in years, I can laugh at Chelsea and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

So Eric Cantona was interviewed on Football Focus this weekend. He made some points about not wanting to dwell on his past, not having medals in his house and a joke about the infamous kung-fu kick. Fair enough. Cut back to the studio, and what happens? Mark Lawrenson, with all the smug, self-righetousness of a nosy neighbour starts to challenge him on this. “You’d need a psychiatrist on this couch instead of me,” he said.

Eric Cantona left football at the peak of his game to do something else. How dare he! He did the unthinkable of not relying on football, spending 13 years taking up acting roles and dipping his toe back into the game whenever he felt neccessary. Lawro, just because he didn’t envisage his future as a rent-a-quote on a sofa offering 1980s analysis on today’s events does not make him a freak. Some people decide that they would like to try other things in life. It’s admirable.

As for the New York Cosmos project, maybe it will fail. Maybe it won’t. But, even if it’s a simple payday for him, at least he’s trying to challenge himself and do something different. It takes absolutely no effort whatsoever to sit on a sofa for hundreds of thousands a year and snipe.

That wound me up all weekend! Haha, honestly, I’m not upset because United lost to Them yesterday. OK, just a little. I actually went home after about an hour and just sat in silence. My mates understood, I think. I mean, I doubt I’ll need the skills of a good PR firm to explain my actions!

You know, sometimes it works when I storm off when United are losing. I remember the City away game in 93/94 when we were 0-2 down at half down. I went and lay on my bed and before I knew it, 3-2. Goals from Keane and, you guessed it, Eric Cantona.